Lightning done struck twice today! Pure elegance!
This made me pee myself and thank baby jeez that I lived long enough to see this gem. There’s no magic like whore magic.
Sweet ass illustration by my dream man Toshio Saeki.
These things are all I daydream about…swoon.
I’ve been studying this sacred text for years. I think it worked.
This is how most of my job interviews in Portland go.
I just wanted a job as a kindergarten teachers assistant and this is what happened.
This is part one of my series called “Enema Yoga for Lovers”
(Source: spirit-aminal, via girlfleshh)
You Can’t be sorry for Suckin on a Dildo in a Public Park’s Parking Lot. I never am.
Ethnic Pussy Buffet
I want to go on an excursion around the world. In every country I pass through, I want to eat the culinary dish that the region is famous for out of a native woman’s cunt. Eating a guinea pig out of an Incan cooter. Om non nomming ‘cross Vietnam. Getting high on yellow pie and pad thai; I had to eat my entree sideways. A labia full of grape leaves in Libya. Butt stash of Moroccan Hash. Slurping poutine out of a poontang. Bangers and mash outta the Queen of England’s snatch. Eating linguini out of a cunt’s vajeeny in her lamborgini. Doodle a strudel for certain behind the Iron Curtain.
Valentines beauty with T.Wi & Tree Nutz
The checkout man at the store called these “surefire panty droppers.”
I said, “But Mister, I didn’t wear panties today.”
He replied, “You should probably start sucking my dick.”
My Very Own Rabbit Fur Butt hole Wanks it for me from the land of OZ…
and I really wish I meant the prison and not Australia. The only thing this video could have used is an appearance by Nasty Nate and some cocktail fruit.
Whole Foods Anal Slam aka Parsnip Anal Beads
I shop at wholefoods the way an old man with no grandchildren watches figure skating practice at the local ice rink. I’m not really intending to give a tug job to the produce boy or make sweet love to the pretty blond cheese monger or get triple penetration action from my favorite checkout boyz 2 men, but I sure am thinking about it.
The scenario potential is fuckrageous… I really can’t walk in or out of there without having an organic gang bang fantasy. I’m just waiting to have one of them whisper into my ear, “I carved these parsnips into anal beads just for you.”
Genital Warming
A twink-ass looking hipster dude came to my apartment this morning and interrupted my kitchen table wank session. He didn’t ask to fuck, he didn’t offer a hand like a nice young man should, he did hit me up for money to “end global warming”. What a twat.
I understand needing a job (I’m looking for tug jobs all the time) but canvassing to end global warming is seriously bogus. I told that little cock that he can warm my titty globes with his hands, then I looked deep into his timid orbs and said “or use the friction of your wiener between my heaving double d’s to counteract the earths heat.”
He rolled his eyes and knocked on my neighbors door.
Slutever.
My very own rabbit fur butthole….
